Well, getting back into the swing of things has been much harder than I thought. I was confident that one week before Con, and three weeks before our move to LA, blogging would be simple and I’d find time. The thing is, there is always something to do. There are always people to make appointments with, or things to pack, or other preparations to make. Tonight, I’m actually going to be stapling books together for Con (whoops, nope! Seeing my parents). On top of that, I have my birthday coming up, my final birthday in NYC for the foreseeable future, and I can’t figure out, at all, what I want to do. I want to do something special, but…

I often have to write the endings of my scripts before I start. Or at least know, generally, how I want the thing to end. Once I’ve figured out what the ultimate point of the journey is, I can build an appropriate arc leading up to it. And here I am, at the end of my NYC adventure, and I didn’t really plan an ending. I certainly didn’t expect to be here this long, let alone get married.

When you read a book, no matter how good a chapter is, you just plow through and move onto the next one. Chapters can sometimes be disposable in the context of the larger story. But some chapters make you put the story down and take a moment to think before continuing. The chapter touched you in a way that you didn’t think it would. It moved you, left you with more than when you started the story. And to me, a pause isn’t enough. A reflection or a 5 hour party isn’t enough. I want more, dammit!

And maybe that’s my biggest problem. I’m looking at this through a writer’s eyes, wondering about endings, as if leaving NYC is an ending. It is, I suppose, but it’s not my ending. It’s an ending of things. A change, or a chapter break. But still, if my birthday party is the last big hurrah for me with my friends, then how do you give it the significance it deserves? Because I think it deserves a lot.

I’m really going to miss my friends and family. It’s an enormously important step to exist outside of their amazing safety net. It’s fair to say I’m spoiled, both by the quality of my friends, and by the unconditional love of my family. That’s not something people just give out for the hell of it. And this is my last celebration with them, and I want to make it special, because that chapter is over.

You get to a point in your life where you want to do everything perfectly. You want to show your progress, how far you’ve come, show people that they were right to believe in you. My friends’ and family’s support as I’ve developed into an artist has been beyond moving at times. It’s pushed me further than I ever would have gone without them. And these people still believe in me, regardless of my screw-ups or my lack of finances. And I still believe because of them. And that’s worth so much to me.

I’m sad, knowing this chapter is about to end. The next one promises to be just as exciting and as memorable as this one, but… the characters I’ve met, the experiences I’ve shared, everything we’ve gone through, both separately and together, have meant so much to me. How could I not want my last hurrah with them to be the greatest thing ever?

Or maybe I’ll just force them all to watch Dragonball Z. When else am I going to be able to guilt them all into doing that, right?